Mountain Dew Pitch Black

Mountain Dew Pitch Black is the color of the resultant substance of clumsily mixing together every liquid in your kitchen. Would you drink that?

No one wants a black soda. Just like no one wants green ketchup. Just like no one wants blue Doritos.

A beverage should have at least some semblance of being natural. What is black in nature? There is coal, dirt, bird shit, bottomless pits, rocks, burnt wood, black cats, and Yaphet Kotto. Would you put any of those in a drink? All right, I'll agree that one of those would work.

If you really like it black for Halloween, why not just add food coloring, Mountain Dew? This shit tastes like grape soda, and not a very good grape soda. Is that really in the spirit of Mountain Dew?

This drink would only work in a line of Vin Diesel-themed sodas created specifically to combat Mountain Dew. You could have Pitch Black, Boiler Room Explosion, XXX Tres Equis, Pineapples of Riddick, and Saving Private Rambutan.

I'm saying it now: there will never be another good Mountain Dew flavor. Not after this. Not after Baja Blast.

Review by Professor Hydro