Robert's American Gourmet – Chaos

Think of some words you expect to see while strolling down the snack aisle. "Ruffles." "Doritos." "Pretzels." "Chips." "Nacho." "Potato."

Now imagine you're making your way among these safe and standby treats, and suddenly you see a small, red-tinged bag labeled "Chaos."

"Chaos"?!?!? WTF?!?!?

Robert's American Gourmet, the folks who brought you Pirate Booty and Veggie Booty, may have previously had a slight recognition factor for the cheeky, kinda corny sense of humor that seems limited to the indie-granola foodstuff companies (see also Ben & Jerry's, or, if you remember the 80s, Smartfood … remember Smartfood? Ha, ha! Remember the 80s?! Ha, ha). But whomever is heading up their current product marketing initiatives has taken things to a whole new level with Chaos.

Who buys food – any type of food – if it comes in a bag labeled "Chaos"? You might as well try to sell a new sports drink called Pestilence, or a canned soup called Clusterfuck. And yet, if only to support bizarro marketing in a general sense, I clearly had to plunk down my $2.99 and plunge myself into Chaos.

Well, it does live up to the name. When you gaze down deep into the bag upon opening it, you're immediately befuddled by the unfamiliar snack mix combinations and the mirrored interior of the bag, which makes it seem like eating in a funhouse. As you make your way through the Chaos, it seems like you never see the same thing again, rather, a constantly morphing colleidascope of chips 'n' pretzels, ever eluding your weak mind's ability to comprehend its meaning or the totality of its being.

As best as I could tell, the basic assortment consisted of variants on Doritos, Crunch-N-Munch, pretzel thins, Cheetos, Tostitos, blue corn chips, and … MUNCHOS? There may have been many more, or infinitely fewer, I can't be sure.

It reminded me of how in 5th grade, everyone at our lunch table would throw a "party," which meant spreading out a paper napkin and dumping everyone's collective chips into a pile, creating a new and uncharted snack mix for all to share. Chaos now brings that perhaps ill-considered, perhaps genius, approach to the masses.

I must say, it was damn good, but it'll take at least a hundred bags of Chaos before I stop being confused by it.

blank stare

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Steve Pissor