Saw II (2005)
Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
Written by Darren Lynn Bousman & Leigh Whannell

People love puzzles. You can't throw a piece of your poop in this country without knocking a goddamned Sodoku book out of someone's hand. So it makes perfect sense that the most popular entertainment in America—The Da Vinci Code, "CSI," "Lost," and these Saw flicks—are basically just logic problems dressed up as drama.

On paper, Saw was a stroke of genius, since people love blood about as much as they love puzzles. In actuality, despite plenty of blood and puzzles, Saw was not particularly good, but the people like what they like. It was hugely popular and hence, here's another installment of "Jigsaw" and his Rube Goldberg-style deathtraps.

As with the first Saw, Saw II is a mediocre puzzle wrapped in a half-baked morality tale and decorated as a slick gore film—Games Magazine by way of the Dawn of the Dead remake. The twist this time is that Jigsaw is dying, so he's looking to pass the torch. But to whom? Who can you trust? Donnie Wahlberg? Beverly Mitchell?!

Who cares. There are some satisfyingly gruesome deaths, but the movie is pretty damn boring overall. A bit more entertaining than the first one, if only because compared to Cary Elwes, Donnie Wahlberg is fuckin' Ben Kingsley. Wait, that last part came out wrong.

Review by Wheeler Whelch