Saw (2004)
Directed by James Wan
Written by James Wan & Leigh Whannell

I "saw" everything coming in this idiotic would-be horror flick, which begins with an intriguing enough premise but quickly degenerates into out-and-out laughability. The premise, a la Crimson Room, kicks off with two men waking up in a grimy room, each chained to a pipe, with various clues as to how to escape hidden in various locations within the room. The men must figure out who is who, how to get out, etc., while contemplating whether to saw their own feet off in desperation.

Cary Elwes makes a real goddamned fool of himself as one of the men who you will correctly suspect as being not-quite-innocent in the shenanigans; his acting here is about the worst thing I've seen since Jonathan Lipnicki started stinking up Hollywood with his full-dump dirty diapers. The rest of the cast is possibly worse, yet Elwes gets the most screen-time, and therefore the most opportunity to make you wince.

The direction is terrible, with the big "twist" elements telegraphed blatantly so early in the film that you keep expecting them to turn out to be red herrings, only to find that, no, you were right, the movie is just stupid. Why Saw was so popular, I can only attribute to most people being retards.

Review by Melodramatically T.K.