 Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) Shall I tell of the vapid, confusing storyline? The lack of interesting or even a single worthy shell of a character? How about the pseudo-mystical mumbo-larkey that lends the film a false sense of spirituality and leads to a completely baffling third-act climax of such pointlessness that it is in fact less exciting than any of the palaver that's come before? Or the preposterous politically correct stereotypes that populate this film, which is set in 1914, and includes a strapping and brilliant black doctor? Should I suggest that the only black people who likely would have been invited on such an expedition – to find the lost city of Atlantis – back in the day likely would have been the white people's valet, and he'd be all "I ain't ascairt-a no Atlantis people, but I is ascairt-a ghosts"? Or how about the plucky teenage Hispanic girl, who's mechanical ability is legend (and therefore can fix anything, be it a vintage diesel truck engine or a 3,000 year-old hovercraft) and who wears cute overalls and what appears to be a What's Happening?-style floppy hat? Or the main character of a young museum researcher whose father died in shame, having failed in his quest to find Atlantis, who expressed absolutely zero intrigue or awe as his own path quickly and quite easily finds him in the no-longer mythical city he's dreamed of for all his life? Hmm, perhaps I should start by describing the tired-looking animation with a few clearly-digital aspects thrown in to make it seem "wow" and whizbang"? Or would it be enough to state that it's not worth your time, a baffling confluence of faux-trendy hucksterism, thematic quacksterism, and flat-out unmitigated greedsterism, enough to cause an exasperated corpse named Walt Disney to reanimate and dig his way out to feast on the entrails of all responsible for this baloney sandwich? Yes, I think that's the best way to start this review.
Review by Crimedog |
