 Billy Squier I recently passed up the opportunity to see Billy play an acoustic set at a nearby Borders promoting his latest independent release. What does that have to do with this set of greatest hits? Besides adding a very slight amount of perspective, absolutely nothing, except to show I'm running out of openers for album reviews. "Why not just immediately begin talking about the album, jackass?", you retort. "Wash yo' mouth out with soap, sonny," I reply back, and once again, the actual reviewing process is wholeheartedly avoided. Brilliant! If you were a casual fan of Billy's during the 80s, the first half of the disc, for the most part, will be readily recognizable. Tracks 1-3 are taken from Don't Say No, which got ample airplay on both MTV and neo-classic rock radio stations. Unsurprisingly, "The Stroke" kicks things off with THAT kick/snare which has since inspired many a sporting-event crowd (er, hasn't it? I hear it over the PA at every curling event I attend with my Yalie cronies). Not much left to the imagination when the chorus states "Stroke me, stroke me, do it!" with what sounds to be the children's choir from "The Wall" screaming "Stroke!" To be honest, didn't really need it then, need it less now. "In the Dark" & "My Kinda Lover" are welcome listens, however – fairly strong songs, sonically great, tight harmonies – and I'm always amazed to see how well this material has actually dated – as strong as out-&-out rock songs from the early 80s could survive, anyhow. Next up, another five in a row, these coming from Billy's Emotions in Motion album – "Rock Me Tonight" somehow winning its way to the top of the heap, despite, or maybe that's DUE TO, the cheez-o digital synth lines and eyebrow-raising swagger. Actually, a Morrissey medley of this and his own "Piccadilly Palare" would be pretty awesome – though I just checked the Loud Bassoon Probability Meter™ (patent pending), and it gave me back a rating of .004%. Sad, really, though back to the album, don't forget about other Squier anthems like "She's a Runner" and "Everybody Wants You," which I coincidentally heard on the radio after partially completing this review, then running uptown to get a Stewart's Root Beer. Yes, you're right, a total non-sequitir there … good eyes! The second half of the album drifts into "did any of these get played on the radio?" mode, and while obviously I'm looking at the first half through a rose-colored filter, the songwriting DOES seem a bit stronger in the earlier years, though the overall sound doesn't necessarily change, which I suppose is some sort of "rock testimony" to the staying power of the earlier cuts. Bear with me, no more idiotic comments like the past sentence for the remainder of the review, I promise. None of the cuts really grab me too closely, though if I had to namecheck a few (which, I believe, contractually to the Loud Bassoon, I do), I would probably say "Love is the Hero," with its similiar synth bass intro to Saint Etienne's "Hug My Soul." Even though its stadium-rockin' chorus is pretty perfunctory, it only really rises above typical 1986 movie end-credits music by imagining the song is about either Courtney or Darlene Love … extra points added for the sheer anarchronism of said imaginary scenario. Then there's, oh, say, "She Goes Down," which has more of a 1987 movie end-credits feel. You definitely can't say that Billy's writing necessarily got better throughout the years, though I haven't heard this latest release, but I've already made hundreds of blind judgements already throughout this guide … why stop now, Seymour? Regardless, I still get the occasional hankering for a quick dose of the early stuff now and then, I guility admit. That's the great things about CD technology … you don't have to listen to the entire album, unlike records, which would often spontaneously melt if you lifted the needle halfway through. You don't remember that ever happening?
Review by AAA |