the loud bassoon online zine - unreleased celebrity albums IV

Unreleased Celebrity Albums IV

Isn't it strange how celebrities always seem to use puns in the titles of their albums? Maybe that has something to do with why most of them go unreleased!

Al Gore Rhythm     Lohan Behold     Mourning Has Broken

Al Gore - "Al Gore Rhythm"
Originally intended to be released upon Gore's ascension to the presidency, this record was scrapped when he lost the election. Good thing, too, as no one needed to hear his renditions of "Al'll Be There" or "You Can Call Me Al."

Lindsay Lohan - "Lohan Behold"
While teen queen Lindsay Lohan has yet to conquer the pop music world, this bootleg of outtakes from her debut album shows some work still needing to be done. Biggest misfire: "I Want to Hold Your Lohan-d."

Alonzo Mourning - "Mourning Has Broken"
Gotta give Alonzo props for not delivering the typical athlete-turned-singer lame R&B, but this deeply impassioned breakup record would put off even the staunchest fan, especially the title cut and his minor-key treatment of "Good Mourning, Good Mourning."

Fascination Streep     A Knight to Remember     State of the Union

Meryl Streep - "Fascination Streep"
The brooding seven-minute Cure cover that gives this album its title is almost enough to make you forget that this is Meryl Streep trying to rock out. She fares better on a cover of Van Morrison's "From the Bright Side of the Road (To the Dark End of the Streep)."

Ted Knight - "A Knight to Remember"
Never released in his lifetime, this record made the rounds after Ted Knight's death, but even then was deemed too saccharine to foist on the public. Certainly his version of "A Knight Like This" is surprising, but his take on Bob Seger's "Knight Moves" is downright silly.

Gabrielle Union - "State of the Union"
The "Deliver Us From Eva" star wanted her "album of healing" to bring people together after 9/11, but it's mostly sub-Mary J. Blige diva wankery. Surely she couldn't have thought Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake" was a good choice for the first single?

Frankly Scarlett     Urich Acid     Get Busy

Scarlett Johanssen - "Frankly Scarlett"
Scarlett's Matrix-produced attempt to prove herself a younger Liz Phair was wisely shelved when "Lost in Translation" hit big. Her cover of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Scarlett Tissue" was just ill-advised from the get-go.

Robert Urich - "Urich Acid"
Who knew that Robert Urich had gotten into the acid house scene in '89? This unfortunately titled effort does not benefit from dated production values, nor from song choices like Hall & Oates' "Urich Girl."

Busy Phillips - "Get Busy"
Between "Freaks & Geeks" and "Dawson's Creek," Ms. Phillips wanted the world to "Get Busy." Fortunately for her, the world shall never hear her bawdy Peaches-produced solo album, including poorly-executed songs like "Dizzy Miss Busy."

Out'a My Haid!     Bjorn to Be Wild     Gless is More

Charles Haid - "Out'a My Haid!"
The former "Hill Street Blues" star wanted to share his ambitious musical vision with fans via his self-financed triple album recorded at Paisley Park studios. Apart from a rippin' cover of Foreigner's "Haid Games," this one would have rankled the noses of even the most faithful member of the NPG Music Club.

Björn Borg - "Bjorn to Be Wild"
Sports stars haven't historically been able to cross over to music, and tennis great Borg is no different. His hysterical treatments of "Björn in the USA" and "Björn Under a Bad Sign" couldn't be more misguided.

Sharon Gless - "Gless is More"
The "Cagney & Lacey" star may well have a rich musical side, but it's in short supply on this terrible record, which includes a notably awful version of "Walking on Broken Gless." Notably, her attempted "rock" album, Gless Houses, also went unreleased.

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Al Gore - "Al Gore Rhythm" Originally intended to be released upon Gore's ascension to the presidency, this record was scrapped when he lost the election. Good thing, too, as no one needed to hear his renditions of "Al'll Be There" or "You Can Call Me Al."	Lindsay Lohan - "Lohan Behold" While teen queen Lindsay Lohan has yet to conquer the pop music world, this bootleg of outtakes from her debut album shows some work still needing to be done. Biggest misfire: "I Want to Hold Your Lohan-d."	Alonzo Mourning - "Mourning Has Broken" Gotta give Alonzo props for not delivering the typical athlete-turned-singer lame R&B, but this deeply impassioned breakup record would put off even the staunchest fan, especially the title cut and his minor-key treatment of "Good Mourning, Good Mourning."


Meryl Streep - "Fascination Streep" The brooding seven-minute Cure cover that gives this album its title is almost enough to make you forget that this is Meryl Streep trying to rock out. She fares better on a cover of Van Morrison's "From the Bright Side of the Road (To the Dark End of the Streep)."	Ted Knight - "A Knight to Remember" Never released in his lifetime, this record made the rounds after Ted Knight's death, but even then was deemed too saccharine to foist on the public. Certainly his version of "A Knight Like This" is surprising, but his take on Bob Seger's "Knight Moves" is downright silly.	Gabrielle Union - "State of the Union" The "Deliver Us From Eva" star wanted her "album of healing" to bring people together after 9/11, but it's mostly sub-Mary J. Blige diva wankery. Surely she couldn't have thought Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake" was a good choice for the first single?


Scarlett Johanssen - "Frankly Scarlett" Scarlett's Matrix-produced attempt to prove herself a younger Liz Phair was wisely shelved when "Lost in Translation" hit big. Her cover of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Scarlett Tissue" was just ill-advised from the get-go.	Robert Urich - "Urich Acid" Who knew that Robert Urich had gotten into the acid house scene in '89? This unfortunately titled effort does not benefit from dated production values, nor from song choices like Hall & Oates' "Urich Girl."	Busy Phillips - "Get Busy" Between "Freaks & Geeks" and "Dawson's Creek," Ms. Phillips wanted the world to "Get Busy." Fortunately for her, the world shall never hear her bawdy Peaches-produced solo album, including poorly-executed songs like "Dizzy Miss Busy."


Charles Haid - "Out'a My Haid!" The former "Hill Street Blues" star wanted to share his ambitious musical vision with fans via his self-financed triple album recorded at Paisley Park studios. Apart from a rippin' cover of Foreigner's "Haid Games," this one would have rankled the noses of even the most faithful member of the NPG Music Club.	Björn Borg - "Bjorn to Be Wild" Sports stars haven't historically been able to cross over to music, and tennis great Borg is no different. His hysterical treatments of "Björn in the USA" and "Björn Under a Bad Sign" couldn't be more misguided.	Sharon Gless - "Gless is More" The "Cagney & Lacey" star may well have a rich musical side, but it's in short supply on this terrible record, which includes a notably awful version of "Walking on Broken Gless." Notably, her attempted "rock" album, Gless Houses, also went unreleased.