Hamburger Hamlet
214 S. Lake Ave, Pasadena, CA, USA

It was a slightly chilly Saturday afternoon, and me and Companion X were off scouting locations for our short film (not yet conceived or written, probably a parody of George W. Bush – is he a coke addict or what?!?). We hadn't eaten and we were quite hungry. Enter Hamburger Hamlet, which I assumed would just be a decent-enough fast-food place.

As soon as I walked in, I thought, "Who let the dogs out?" Because this was one rockin' restaurant! Actually, it was just a very pleasant restaurant – more like a family-style sit-down than the fast-food hell-holes I normally frequent. They quickly sat us at one of several tables that surrounded a cozy circular fireplace filled with what were either giant fake logs or another one of God's great miracles at work.

I ordered "The Montel," which is sliced turkey on sourdough with an entire avocado, plus lettuce, tomato, and some kind of dijonnaise. Companion X ordered a similar turkey sandwich, but hers was on another type of bread. As soon as I bit into my sandwich, I thought, "Who let the dogs out?" Because this was one rockin' sandwich!

Companion X loved her sandwich too, and we both enjoyed the fries to the point where I could barely stand from the sheer gluttony of it all. That's a real problem with places like Hamburger Hamlet and Cheesecake Factory – they simply give you too much food. It's great for fat people and prison escapees, but for those of us who battle with our waistlines and are often forced to wear tight, wonderfully constricting, and pleasingly silky-smooth girdles … well, it's understandably a problem. Will I ever fit into my prom dress again?!?

Hamburger Hamlet surprised me with the quality of their food, atmosphere, and service. The whole meal cost us exactly $17.17, excluding tip. Incidentally, we still haven't nailed down a filming location yet. When we do, I assure you, it will be the funniest George W. Bush parody you've ever seen. Ha, that guy only got to be President because his DADDY bought the election for him. Ha, ha.

Review by Crimedog, January 2001