 Del Taco #983
My first impression of Del Taco was that it was a square Taco Bell knockoff—the sort of bizarro place you often stumble into while visiting a distant city, where the franchises are kind of similar to the ones you're familiar with, but just "off" enough to sort of give you the willies. And Del Taco certainly is a Taco Bell knockoff, but I'd have to say that on the whole, the food is better, and their mascot (a Zorro-like vigilante named Del Taco) is pleasingly more baffling than the ubiquitous Taco Bell chihuahua. This is not to say that Del Taco is not without its drawbacks – this is fast food, after all – but I was satisfied with the many things about it that confused me, and I was additionally satisfied with the food.
I visited this Del Taco with my brother, who was showing me the run of Ontario Mills. The restaurant is actually not in the mall, but rather on the periphery of the parking lot. At first I was confused by the menu, which strives to offer Taco Bell-type food as well as McDonald's-type food in one purportedly coherent culinary approach, but then I thought about how convenient this would be if you're feeding several people, some of whom want burgers, and some of whom want burritos. There's no need for incivility … Del Taco offers a compromise that will leave everyone happy and full. Just don't let me catch you ordering a burrito and an order of fries, candyass, that would be just plain unnatural. You may go so far as to have a burrito and a shake, but if I catch you mixing a burger and nachos, or tacos and a cheeseburger, you're asking for a kick in the big fat fanny.
It took me a minute to figure out the system, but essentially everything on the menu has a direct analogue in the Taco Bell universe – for example, Taco Bell's famed 7-Layer Burrito here is "The Works Burrito," while a Bean Burrito is (confusingly), a "Red Burrito." Those are the items I ordered, each with their dairy ingredients withheld, and I would assume (though I can't remember specifically) that I had a Sprite to drink. Brotherman had a combo meal with pink lemonade, and a quesadilla with no green sauce. Mine came to $3.55, while his was probably around the same. The burritos were not especially well-rolled, but they were fresh tasting and very filling. I slathered them with "Del Scorcho" sauce, which is akin to Taco Bell's "Fire" sauce.
As I ate there I began to enjoy the incoherence of the place more and more. Off-kilter slogans ("Bringing Better Mexican Food to the People" was one … even more unintelligible is "We know who you are. We know what you like.") and a disorientingly festive atmosphere made the place strangely appealing in a parallel-dimension sort of way. There were balloons tied to the chairs, though I can think of no holiday that was being celebrated. A brochure with Del Taco "Fun Food Facts" offered the statistic that enough Crinkle Cut French Fries are made by Del Taco in a year to fill a football stadium … only to immediately recant and say "Okay, maybe not a football stadium, but at least a football team." Didn't it occur to them that this was simply wrong? I mean, if they're going to just arbitrarily make up a statistic, couldn't they do better than that? Like, how about "In one year, Del Taco uses enough refried beans to fill the universe and all its unseen dimensions – well, maybe not, but at least enough to choke a baby." That way, no matter how you attack the statement you're stopped in your tracks.
But ultimately, that's why I liked Del Taco. The idea that they're a fast-food supercorporation wannabe, but that they'll clearly never break out beyond regional saturation, makes me smile (or smirk). The wonderfully second-tier "Macho Burrito" and "Big Fat Steak Taco" sound like they'd be at home on the menu of Krustyburger. But all my condescension aside, I would definitely patronize Del Taco were there one nearby, for it is generally cheaper (though smaller) than Taco Bell, and similarly satisfying. This one is open 24 hours a day, and has a pretty scary-ass-looking breakfast menu for those much braver than I.
Review by Abel Packaday, September 1999 |