Open Water (2003)
Written and directed by Chris Kentis

Open Water can be called a success, though that would refer solely to its marketing. The film itself is a dismal piece of homemade shit. Despite an intriguing premise (Jaws by way of Blair Witch) and a certain amount of low-budget ingenuity, the film ultimately amounts to about two minutes of cool footage tacked onto an interminable slog of bad vacation video.

Yuppie go-getters Susan and Daniel (Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis) are so busy with their jobs that they barely have time to ask each other how they're doing, so taking a vacation seems like just the ticket. However, problems arise when they are inadvertently left out in the middle of the ocean by their SCUBA day-trip divemasters, and subsequently eaten by sharks.

The leads have zero chemistry; the acting is utterly mediocre; the pace is dreadfully tedious (each 10-minute segment passes like an hour); the camerawork is shaky; the content almost entirely filler; and even one rather eye-popping nude scene is so obviously aimed at "selling the movie" that one's boner objects on principle. The setup is contrived; the execution is not believable; it never particularly seems like the two are actually in the middle of the ocean; and in any case, I couldn't wait for brutal deaths to put an end to it all … the movie, or my life, it didn't matter.

I sure hope the publicist of this film got a big fat bonus at the end of the year, because he managed to make a huge number of people take in a big mouthful of shit and somehow believe they were eating palaak paneer (?).

Review by La Fée