Though ostensibly an IMAX deep-ocean journey documenting rare and unseen creatures, the film actually devotes far more time to Cameron wielding authority over his carefully paid-off crew of astronauts and marine biologists and commenting on how "history-making" this voyage is. In fact, it's more "history-class making," as the pandering educational narration, disappointing paucity of actual content, and weird tangents are much more field-trip fodder than Nobel Prize-winning achievement. After a rather hilarious introduction that seems like it must be a "Mad-TV" sketch improbably sending up Koyaanisqatsi, we are treated to an overly meticulous account of Cameron's crew assembling and their journey beginning. It becomes clear that this movie is -not- actually about "aliens of the deep" (for Cameron lacks the irony to see that the title better refers to the exploration team than the sea creatures they eventually discover). About 25 minutes in, we finally see a weird-ass creature of the deep, and it's cool, but you end up having to sit through long stretches of blather to get to these shots, which is all you probably want to see. Plus, when these supposed astronauts and marine biologists behold each weird-ass creature of the deep, all they have to say is shit like "Check this out … awesome!" Perhaps the awe of encountering these enigmatic and eerie sea-beings reduces the scientific mind to stoner cliches, but come on now, you could literally make an Aliens of the Deep drinking game in which you down a shot every time someone says "fantastic" or "amazing." The self-congratulatory tone is offset somewhat by some odd, ponderous excursions into outer space, with some attempt to draw parallels between space and the ocean. Most of this was the sort of guff you don't mind sitting through in an IMAX theater, but on DVD, the temptation to fast-forward is strong. I did enjoy a bit about Jupiter's moons, though I still don't see how it related to the movie. Aliens of the Deep is possibly aimed at a small demographic of 6th-grade science nerds, but more probably is aimed squarely at an audience of one: James Cameron. He couldn't even resist using "Aliens" in the fucking title, you know? I'm kind of surprised the film did not actually revolve around him pursuing his dream of erecting a 100-foot statue of himself on the hull of the sunken Titanic.
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