Segura Viudas Reserva Heredad

The upscale "reserve" version of Aria from Segura Viudas not only comes in a kick-ass pewter-trimmed bottle that makes you feel like a medieval lord with your own thriving fiefdom, it also tastes like it was created in Heaven, then aged in Hell.

Ultra-smooth, succulently sweet with no trace of bitterness, ticklingly bubbly with no unpleasant kick, and pleasing to the eyes and olfactories, Reserva Heredad is a perfect splurge for special occasions.

Sure, you can get higher-end champagne. This one rings up around $20, but it's very nearly as enjoyable and satisfying as Dom or Veuve (incidentally, remind me to have two children and give them those names—I want my legacy of alcohol abuse to be passed down unambiguously).

You may think it's excessive to drink champagne all the time. Perhaps you only have it at weddings, New Year's parties, and wakes. But one taste of this stuff and you just may get hooked. Is that so bad? It could be worse—believe me, I've struggled with addiction, and in those terms, champagne is a lot better than Chuck Norris DVDs. There's a road I won't walk down again.

Review by One Fun-Ass Motherfucker