Sam Adams Light

I likes me some beer. Good, dark heavy beer. Beer with names like "stout" and "ale." Beer you can eat with a fork. But I read fashion magazines, and I understand that to be attractive I must also be thin. What's an alcoholic girl to do?

When I saw commercials for Sam Adams Light, I was understandably excited. Could this be the answer to my hops-laden prayers? Well – no.

I mean, it's okay. It's a lot better than most light beer. It is significantly darker than most urine. But it ain't no … Sam Adams.

The first sip kind of fools you into thinking it is. But it's not. The aftertaste of regular Sam Adams leaves you feeling like you've spent the day on the colonial streets of Boston, hurling rocks at those bastard Redcoats, smithing silver, fighting fires with nothing but a team of horses and a bucket of water.

The aftertaste of Sam Adams Light leaves you feeling like you've spent the day on your crappy futon, looking at your laptop and whining. Still, I was willing to make that sacrifice for my taut girlish figure. That is, until I perused the Samuel Adams website.

Get this … a 12 oz bottle of Sam Adams Light contains 124 calories. A regular 12 oz Sam Adams Lager or Ale has … 160 calories! That's a difference of only 36 calories!

Are they kidding me? That's, like, 2 gummy bears. I easily take in twice the calories thinking about chocolate cake, or smelling someone else's movie theater popcorn.

Screw Sam Adams Light, and the stupid commercials for it too! It's full calorie, full bodied, full carb beer for this girl! Now quick, bring me a pitcher and some elastic-waist pants.

Review by Hbearrr